Thursday, September 25, 2008

I Won't Apologize For Missing Last Week

I was going to start with an apology for missing last week's post, but then I thought, No Way. What I was doing last Thursday was way more important than a blog post.

So here's where I was last week. And since I'm still sort of numb, that's all I have to say this week.

Except that I'm really glad I homeschool and as upset as I've been about not staying on schedule, I'm overjoyed that I had the opportunity to say To Hell With The Schedule last week.
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Thursday, September 11, 2008

Remembering 9/11 Differently

Because I'm a procrastinator by design, I didn't have a post ready and waiting to go up today.

When I opened Blogger to post, I remembered it was 9/11.

At first, I wanted to say something about what we were doing that day, but what came to mind was something entirely different (and related to homeschool--in a twice-removed sort of way).

On 9/11 2006, Zane and I were making the twelve hour drive from northern Indiana to Greenville, South Carolina to see my best friend, Jill.

Exactly 11 months before that, Jill had confessed to me she'd been fighting breast cancer alone for the past year. She'd called me on Zane's birthday to tell me.

In another devastating call from her in 2006. Her lung had collapsed and she'd been in the hospital (alone again) and couldn't even call. She was released and a neighbor picked her up, but could not take care of her.

So Zane and I went.

I didn't have to take Zane out of school, I just had to pack up a few things to keep him busy (video games) and some light school work. I do wonder sometimes, if I hadn't chose to homeschool, would I have rushed down there? Would I have missed the blessing of seeing her and Zane have such a good time together?

Jill was there for Zane's birth when Phil was over the road driving the semi and my mom and dad stopped halfway because they were tired (and had no clue I'd go into labor early). Jill loved Zane like she would've loved her own if she'd have been able to have one.

On the way down to take care of her, Zane wanted to stop and see the mountains at a scenic overlook in Tennessee.

I was too wrapped up in the packing and the driving and the worrying about Jill to even think about the date. When I snapped these photos, though, it all came rushing back to me. Zane was exactly a month shy of two back then. I'd honestly never been so scared in my life as on the day of that national tragedy. And five years later, a tragedy on a personal level. I was going to lose my best friend, I just didn't know when.

My brain cannot wrap itself around these things at the same time and I'm reduced to an emotional emptiness and numbness that I find hard to describe in words because mostly, I cry.

Zane and Jill watched cartoons, played video games, and played with the kitties. And talked. If two souls were ever connected it was the two of them. I think maybe even more than she and I.

I know many lost loved ones on 9/11. I pray with them and for them. Because today, I think of Jill. She meant so much to us. And because my little boy doesn't understand breast cancer. He cries and says, "I wish Jill didn't have to die. I miss her so much. I wish I could have seen her again with you before she died."

I can't tell him that today is the 2nd anniversary of the last time he saw her. But I'm wearing my pink flannel jammies all day to remember.
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Thursday, September 4, 2008

Conflict and Priorities

A second week in the life of The Horrible Homeschooler and the Ogre title is still mine. At least for part of the week.

Zane and I both had eye appointment Friday. I scheduled them on our off day. But it wasn't an off day because we missed the first day of school and had to make up a day. No big deal, I thought, we'll run to the eye doctor and come home and finish. Except we both had our eyes dilated and neither of us could read for five or six hours. That made school impossible.

Twice in the first week of school I had to postpone and make up. We only do school four days a week. The numbers weren't good.

Instead of doing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday we decided to do Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Since we couldn't do Friday on Friday, we moved it to Saturday. Whew. There. All caught up and not behind the first week of school.

Then Saturday afternoon my grandma had a major stroke, a minor stroke on Sunday and several mini strokes in between. I drove the hour to the hospital on Sunday and stayed overnight with my brother because things weren't looking good. Phil met me with Zane on Monday morning (a school day) and he stayed the day with his other uncle and my nephews.

The first day of the second week of school--canceled.

I understand. I know. She's my grandma and I did the right thing. That doesn't make it less frustrating for an already Horrible Homeschooler.

To add to the stress, I had a story due on Monday that wasn't even a quarter finished.

We started the second week of school on Tuesday (and finished!!) and we did school on Wednesday (and finished!!) and did some school on Thursday. With my deadline looming and my stress level skyrocketing, a good friend offered to take Zane for the night. So he had a sleepover at their house. I had all day Friday to write (and I used it) but that meant we were behind Thursday and Friday. Again.

And then it was Labor Day weekend and we had planned to be away for most of the days.

We enter the third week of school. Late. Again.

Will we ever get it right?

But I did pick up my pinky-bling glasses. One lens was chipped and a bling was missing. My new new pair will be here in a week.

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P.S. Grandma is stable, though weak and a bit more disabled from the strokes. She was released back to the nursing home a couple days ago. :) Through her existing dementia, she still recognizes everyone, which is really good.

I sound like such a whiner, I want to let you know, good things did happen. Zane hasn't been arguing (after we had a "talk" more about that next week) and we're not so far behind we can't catch up. I'm praying for a non-eventful week so we can use our *ahem* schedule.